A few random thoughts that will hopefully bring a smile to your face today:
My wife and I divorced over religious differences..She thought she was God and I didn’t.
I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me!
Some people are alive only because it’s illegal to kill them.
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
Don’t take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
I’m not a complete idiot –Some parts are missing.
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room -spinning medicine.
God must love stupid people; He made so many.
The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Being “over the hill” is much better than being under it!
Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.
I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance
Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
They call it PMS be cause Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.
A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.
Ham and eggs: A day’s work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
The trouble with life is there’s no background music.
I smile because I don’t know what the heck is going on.